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“How
to Develop Self-Confidence
In Speech and Manner” eBook Online Version
Timidity is quickly recognized by the world, and not only argues an ignoble mind, as Virgil says, but actually invites pursuit and imposition. John Foster observes in his splendid essay "On Decision of Character ": “Weakness, in every form, tempts arrogance; and a man may be allowed to wish for a kind of character with which stupidity and impertinence may not make so free. When a firm, decisive spirit is recognized, it is curious to see how the space clears around a man, and leaves him room and freedom. The disposition to interrogate, dictate, or banter, preserves a respectful and polite distance, judging it not unwise to keep the peace with a person of so much energy."
It is surprising how confidence begets confidence. Courage in danger is sometimes half the battle, while self-reliance will often safeguard a man's interests and give him an abiding sense of security. It makes him feel equal to almost any undertaking, however difficult, leading him to think with Dry den that "They can conquer who believe they can."
The building of self-confidence is not difficult, but it requires patience and intelligent effort. There should be no straining, no anxiety, and no haste. The story of the man who tried to jump over a hill should be kept in mind. He went a long way back, then ran so hard toward the hill that when he got there he was obliged to lie down and rest. Then he got up and walked over the hill. Many men are always preparing, but never achieving.
It is said that with regard to any final or definite end, most men live at hazard, and without any fixed star to guide them. Hence, as a writer has expressed it, "To him that knoweth not the port to which he is bound, no wind can be favorable; neither can he who has not yet determined at what mark he is to shoot, direct his arrow aright."
Indecision is a frequent cause of the fear habit. Men hesitate to take a step one way or the other lest they do the wrong thing, and this spirit of irresolution and hesitation often leads them into the very mistakes they would avoid. It is like a man on a bicycle, endeavoring to steer clear of an obstruction on the road, but all the while keeping his eye fastened upon it so that a collision is inevitable. There is nothing more disastrous to manbuilding than infirmity of purpose. "He who hesitates is lost," while he grows great who puts on "the dauntless spirit of resolution." The world generally accepts a man at his own valuation. If you give an impression that you are afraid, you will beside-elbowed and imposed upon at almost every turn. Let me illustrate: The other day I saw a dog leisurely pass a cat on the street, and to all appearance there was no ill feeling on either side. The cat looked him straight in the eye as he approached, and the dog returned her confident glance and quietly passed on. Then the cat, seeing a good chance for escape, bolted across the street, but the instant the dog saw her running he turned and followed in hot haste. It was cat and dog for some yards, when suddenly the cat stopped, humped her back and looked defiantly at her adversary. He stopped, caught his breath, blinked uncertainly, turned up his nose, and walked off. As long as the cat showed fear and ran, the dog chased her; but the moment she took her stand, he respected her. When a man stands up boldly and sell-confidently for his rights, fear slinks tremblingly into the shadows.
You, who enter upon this study of self-confidence, resolve to follow it to completion with bulldog tenacity. Realize that no weak-hearted, intermittent efforts will achieve your desired purpose. Hold before you the supreme assurance that you can and will achieve this indispensable power, and great will be the reward of your energy and perseverance.
Chapter II
BUILDING THE WILL
The importance of will-power is recognized by most men, yet few deliberately give any time or thought to its development. Why we resist one thing and yield to another, may be due to "the strongest motive," but what more particularly concerns us in the study of self-confidence is in what way this mighty power can be built and directed.
Does desire control the will, or will desire? The psychologist points to the testimony of consciousness as confirming our freedom to choose a certain course and to pursue it, with the feeling that we could choose some other course if we desired.
In either event, there is no feeling of compulsion, and this would seem to confirm the idea of freedom of will.
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