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“How
to Develop Self-Confidence
In Speech and Manner” eBook Online Version
Many a man is like Jerry. "With fear written across his face, he is denied even before he asks. He is taken advantage of at every turn, for people quickly see what manner of man he is. He applies for a position, but another applicant, with half his ability but twice his self-confidence, wins the preference. At church he is placed in the back pew; at the theater he secures a ticket for a seat behind a pillar; at the hotel he gets the smallest room on the top floor; in the restaurant he gets the toughest steak; in every store the clerks cut him off short or sell him things he does not wish to buy.
Every man should cast out this mental fear and take his proper place in the world. He should hold himself erect, and look at the world strongly and bravely. His outward bearing should constantly express the inward realization of true manhood. When such a man becomes the ' self-confident, self-respecting, strong, manly man he ought to be, the world will appraise him as such.
Chapter X
THE MAN AND THE MANNER
The way in which a man is dressed has much to do with his feeling of satisfaction and self-confidence. The advice of an expert to a man who feels things are going against him, is to "stop and shave, take a bath, and put on a smart, well-fitting suit of clothes." A prominent business man acknowledges that when properly dressed he can approach other men with twice his usual degree of self-confidence.
Every one has noticed how a person badly dressed becomes self-conscious upon entering into the presence of well-dressed people. He feels suddenly at a disadvantage; a sense of inferiority creeps over him, and his greatest desire is to beat a hasty retreat.
It has been said that a well-modulated voice testifies to a strain of good blood in the speaker's ancestry, but it does more than this. It serves as an index to his self-confidence. The degree of earnestness and conviction in the speaker's mind is disclosed in his voice and manner. The instant he speaks he declares himself, and our first estimate will not easily be changed.
Diffidence is a serious handicap to any man. "I hate," exclaims Emerson, "where I looked for a manly furtherance, or at least a manly resistance, to find much of concession." Men who lack self-confidence do not hold themselves in high esteem, and others accept them at their own valuation. When a brutal soldier raised his sword to John Milton and said "I have power to kill you," that great souled man replied, "And I have power to be killed and to despise my murderer." It is this dauntless spirit, even in the face of imminent danger, that proves a man's worth.
Let a man speak out like a man, not like a weakling. Servility is not politeness, nor are weakness and effeminacy marks of good-breeding.
Training in self-confidence belongs properly to childhood. Parents are doubtless responsible for much of the fearthought that prevails in after life. As Chamberlain says:
"Every ugly thing told to the child, every shock, every fright, given him, will remain like splinters in the flesh, to torture him all his life long. The bravest old soldier, the most daring young reprobate, is incapable of forgetting them all the masks, the bogies, ogres, hobgoblins, witches and wizards, the things that bite and scratch, that nip and tear, that pinch and crunch, the thousand-and-one imaginary monsters of the mother, the nurse, or the servant, have had their effect; and hundreds of generations have worked to denaturalize the brains of children. Perhaps no animal, not even those most susceptible to fright, has behind it the fear heredity of the child."
But if one has reached young manhood and is distressed by timidity and fearthought, let him take courage, from the fact that thousands like him have finally mastered themselves. We have before hinted that such a man must take himself in hand for the most severe mental overhauling. This must be well and thoroughly done, and strong resolutions put into immediate effect. But having made this careful and honest diagnosis of his own case, and decided upon a definite course of action, he should then stop his introspection, stop thinking about his fears and shortcomings, and engage his mind wholly with strong up building thoughts.
But this is not all. These thoughts must be translated into acts. The fable of the Hunter and the Woodman reminds us that a hero is brave in deeds as well as in words: "A hunter, not very bold, was searching for the tracks of a lion. He asked a man who was felling oaks in the forest, if he had seen any marks of his footsteps, or if he knew where his lair was. 'I will,' he said, 'at once show you the lion myself.' The hunter, turning very pale, and with his teeth chattering from fear, replied, 'No, thank you. I did not ask that; it is his track only I am in search of, not the lion himself.' “The fault of many men is that they are careless about trifles. It is the little thoughts and acts of a man's every-day life that chiefly enter into the making of his personality. Only once in a great while can one hope to perform some signal act of bravery, but the courage of little things can be manifested every hour of the day. When a friend called the second time on Michelangelo he found him still working at the same statue. '' You have been idle," he exclaimed, "since I saw you last." "No, indeed," answered the sculptor--"I have retouched this part, and polished that; I have softened this feature, and brought out this muscle. I have given more expression to this lip and more energy to this limb." "But," said his friend, "these are trifles." "It may be so," replied Michelangelo, "but please recollect that trifles make perfection and that perfection is no trifle."
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