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“How
to Develop Self-Confidence
In Speech and Manner” eBook Online Version
Let desire, then, be the starting-point of the student's attempt to educate his will. To strengthen immediately his desire for a strong will, he should dwell intently upon the advantages this power will confer upon him. He should think deeply upon the satisfaction that will come to him from doing things definitely and promptly, and the increased self-confidence that will surely follow from the habit of finishing in a thorough manner everything he undertakes. By dwelling long and earnestly upon the inestimable value of a strong, well-directed will, there will grow in his mind an intense desire to possess this faculty, to use it to his daily advantage, and finally by its aid to realize his life's ambition.
There are many things we desire to avoid, such as poverty, pain, misfortune, and ill-health; while there are things we much desire to have, such as wealth, power, knowledge, and independence. It is, however, the intensity of our desire that counts for most. "I desire to become a good public speaker," says one. "How strong is your desire?" asks the teacher. "Will you practice regularly every day for an hour?!" "I don't think I can," says the student, "because my time is so much occupied during the day, and at night I am too tired." "What personal sacrifices are you ready to make?" "None," is the answer. "Then," replies the teacher, "your desire is not strong enough to make you a good public speaker."
This applies with equal force to you who read these pages in search of help to develop your self-confidence. How strong is your desire to acquire this great power? Is it strong enough to lead you carefully to read all the suggestions offered here and to put them into actual practice? Will you enter upon this study with intense earnestness and perseverance? Will you make reasonable sacrifice to achieve this great end? Your answer to such questions as these will largely determine what your success will be.
In the life of every man there are many times when he is in an exalted frame of mind. There is a sudden realization of new and mysterious power, when, indeed, all things seem possible to him. He there upon resolves to do better and greater things than ever before, but in a little while this feeling dies away, leaving only the slightest impress behind it. The student bent upon educating his will should resolve in his mind to take advantage of these favorable moments to fortify such thoughts with other favorable thoughts, to bring instantly to bear upon himself every conception and emotion that will deepen this sudden inspiration, and to proceed without delay to put these results into actual practice. "Seize the very first possible opportunity," advises "William James, "to act on every resolution you make and on every emotional prompting you may experience in the direction of the habits you aspire to gain."
To choose intelligently between our complex and conflicting desires we must avoid impulsiveness. In every important matter we shall weigh things pro and con, and carefully consider the advantages, dangers, and probabilities before determining our course of action. This will teach us caution and self-restraint. We are told to "look before we leap," to "think twice," and again that "haste makes waste." A little more prudence and deliberateness would prevent most of the serious mistakes of life.
Sometimes an idea must be repeated many times before an enduring impression can be made upon the mind. This is illustrated in modern methods of advertising. The first time you see an announcement it impresses you perhaps feebly. But it is repeated again and again, in newspaper, magazine, letter, and fence-poster, until at length a sufficient number of impressions lead you to become a purchaser. Mental habits are established in the same way. A suggestion is made to your mind once, twice, a hundred, or a thousand times. Some day this repeated suggestion has become a fixed habit, and fulfils its duty unconsciously. The power of reiteration is so great that, if a timid man were to repeat aloud for a few minutes daily, with earnestness and concentration, a list of words such as courage, valor, bravery, gallantry, intrepidity, manliness, pluck, backbone, and audacity, he would shortly find these qualities being incorporated in his own personality.
We must be particularly careful about outside influences. A certain course of conduct is decided upon, after mature consideration, when suddenly we yield to the interposition of a friend who advises an altogether different course. Then when it terminates disastrously, we blame our friend for his interference, and our self for weakness of will. There are times, of course, when the advice of others should be sought and considered, but once having determined what our conduct shall be, let us pursue it without hesitation.
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