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“How
to Develop Self-Confidence
In Speech and Manner” eBook Online Version
The man with the too long story will be made uncomfortable in intelligent society. An English writer, in speaking of London society, says pointedly: "Topics are treated lightly and, above all, briefly. If you want to preach a sermon, you must get into a pulpit or a newspaper; preach it at table you can not. You may tell a story, but you must, in Hayward's phrase, cut it to the bone. If you do not cut it short, you will be cut into and before you are half-way through; another man will have begun and finished his, and your audience will have gone over to the enemy." When a man is known for too long storytelling he is regarded as insufferable and is generally avoided.
The experience of Lord Chesterfield should encourage any man desirous of becoming self-confident in society. At first he was exceedingly awkward and almost frightened "out of his wits." He bowed obsequiously; thought himself beneath others, suspected every whisper was about him and his particular defects. But he persevered, through many and seemingly insurmountable difficulties, and became, as all know, the most polished gentleman of his day. But with all one's superiority the basis must ever lie in simplicity. The test of a truly great man is his humility. An English woman of keen observation says: "I have never yet come across a person really far above the average, either mentally or morally, who ever became too big for his boots or his Bible." Self-assertion should never be substituted for self-confidence. No one cares to listen long to a man clothed in infallibility, or who prates much about himself. When Charles Kingsley was asked what were his favorite topics of conversation, he answered, "Whatever my companion happens to be talking about." A man should be ready for self-effacement, whenever that may be necessary. It is the unpretentious man that most easily wins favor.
A bashful man should purposely seek the society of women. Their refining influence will tend to bring out the best that is in him, to polish off the rough places, and to lift him to higher ideals. Many of the world's greatest men have testified to their indebtedness to women, not only for practical help, but for those higher spiritual qualities that transform men into heroes. No man should live unto himself. Silence and solitude if long protracted have a depressing effect upon all the noblest elements in a man.
Let a man, then, go into society with lofty spirit and magnanimous bearing, and these qualities will be reflected back to him. Too high-minded for petty things, he will see the best in others and they will see the best in him. Finally, let him carry in his heart the inspiring song of Lowell:
'' Be noble! and the nobleness that lies in other men, sleeping, but never dead, will rise in majesty to meet thine own."
Chapter XVIII
CONFIDENCE IN PUBLIC SPEAKING
The one thing needful in the development of self-confidence in public speaking is practice. In all first efforts, whether it be to swim, write, skate, or dance, we have crudeness, uncertainty, and limitations. The beginner in public speaking is on unfamiliar ground, and he can not help being self-conscious. This is a necessary part of his development. There can be no proper freedom in what he is saying so long as he has to think of how he is saying it. His first efforts should, for this reason, be simple. A few ideas, plainly spoken, are all he need here attempt. After he has gained some facility and self-reliance, he may, like the swimmer, venture into deeper water.
Let us assume that the reader of these pages is afflicted with an extreme form of fear and diffidence in attempting even this simple first effort. He may belong to that class described as "trembling at the knees," or "glued to the chair," when invited to address an audience. In short, what is a man to do if he can not bring himself to the point of facing an audience at all?
In such case he must begin by declaiming his speeches in the privacy of his room. He must become accustomed to "hearing himself talk." These speeches may be his own, or selected models of others, but they are to be rendered aloud, while standing before a looking-glass, with suitable voice and gesture. He may imagine an audience before him, and speak as directly and earnestly as he would were they actually present. Next, he may invite a member of his family, or a friend, to listen to him. Gradually but surely he will find himself gaining in assurance, and at the proper time he will be ready for his "maiden effort" in public. No matter how slow the process may be, the ultimate results are certain.
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