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“How
to Develop Self-Confidence
In Speech and Manner” eBook Online Version
A bashful man should purposely seek the society of women. Their refining influence will tend to bring out the best that is in him, to polish off the rough places, and to lift him to higher ideals. Many of the world's greatest men have testified to their indebtedness to women, not only for practical help, but for those higher spiritual qualities that transform men into heroes. No man should live unto himself. Silence and solitude if long protracted have a depressing effect upon all the noblest elements in a man.
Let a man, then, go into society with lofty spirit and magnanimous bearing, and these qualities will be reflected back to him. Too high-minded for petty things, he will see the best in others and they will see the best in him. Finally, let him carry in his heart the inspiring song of Lowell:
'' Be noble! and the nobleness that lies in other men, sleeping, but never dead, will rise in majesty to meet thine own."
Chapter XVIII
CONFIDENCE IN PUBLIC SPEAKING
The one thing needful in the development of self-confidence in public speaking is practice. In all first efforts, whether it be to swim, write, skate, or dance, we have crudeness, uncertainty, and limitations. The beginner in public speaking is on unfamiliar ground, and he can not help being self-conscious. This is a necessary part of his development. There can be no proper freedom in what he is saying so long as he has to think of how he is saying it. His first efforts should, for this reason, be simple. A few ideas, plainly spoken, are all he need here attempt. After he has gained some facility and self-reliance, he may, like the swimmer, venture into deeper water.
Let us assume that the reader of these pages is afflicted with an extreme form of fear and diffidence in attempting even this simple first effort. He may belong to that class described as "trembling at the knees," or "glued to the chair," when invited to address an audience. In short, what is a man to do if he can not bring himself to the point of facing an audience at all?
In such case he must begin by declaiming his speeches in the privacy of his room. He must become accustomed to "hearing himself talk." These speeches may be his own, or selected models of others, but they are to be rendered aloud, while standing before a looking-glass, with suitable voice and gesture. He may imagine an audience before him, and speak as directly and earnestly as he would were they actually present. Next, he may invite a member of his family, or a friend, to listen to him. Gradually but surely he will find himself gaining in assurance, and at the proper time he will be ready for his "maiden effort" in public. No matter how slow the process may be, the ultimate results are certain.
Another excellent preparation for self-confidence in speaking is that of telling stories. We need hardly remind the reader that these stories should be as new as possible, have good points, and be told in an interesting manner. The speaker must concentrate his mind upon the story and really relish telling it, so that he will be sharing a pleasure with others. Here again he may begin with the members of his own family, who will be lenient with him if these first efforts are not wholly effective. Story-telling is not a difficult art, but consists chiefly of two things: Getting a good fund of stories, and telling them without self-consciousness. A few short recitations, thoroughly memorized, may also be used as a means of accustoming the student to facing an audience. It may here be repeated that a frequent cause of timidity is a lack of proper knowledge of the subject. An audience becomes severely critical when a speaker appears not to have an adequate grasp of the facts. They will overlook his diffidence, setting it down to modesty, but they will not overlook palpable weakness and uncertainty in the subject-matter. A man who has the facts may readily be forgiven for lack of ability in presenting them, but one who stands to speak before others without proper knowledge of his subject is justly regarded as a pretender.
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