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“How
to Develop Self-Confidence
In Speech and Manner” eBook Online Version
This self-discipline begins naturally with deep breathing. Many men do not realize that the manner in which they breathe affects their attitude of mind. It is altogether too common to use but one half of the breathing capacity. A man who breathes only with his upper chest is without the vigor and vitality essential to a high degree of self-confidence. Deep breathing should be practiced daily until it becomes an unconscious habit.
What is the remedy for this dreaded self-consciousness? It is mainly a matter of securing control of one's thoughts and intelligently directing them. The mind is a machine, which must be made obedient to the owner's will. When brought under subjection, it will serve man's highest and best purposes, but left to itself it may run easily to confusion and destruction. Here you perhaps interpose: "But my mind wanders." Then go after it and bring it back. You say you can not? Who is operating your mind? Does it run itself? What would you think of a train that had no engineer, no conductor, no one to direct it, and was allowed to run anywhere? Yet this is what you permit with your train of ideas. Be sensible. Take hold of yourself seriously. Set your will to work. Straighten your spine. Take time to-day for mental overhauling. You are about to educate your will and it is serious business. Procrastination will not do. From this time forward resolve to control and direct your mental powers for definite purposes.
Let it be said here, without attempt to moralize, that wrongdoing will contribute its share to self-consciousness. It may be an injury done another, an unfair advantage in business, or a secret habit; but whatever it be, its mark is seared upon the conscience, and sooner or later finds expression in embarrassment. What should one do who comes under this classification? Repair the injury, stop every undesirable habit, and resolve hereafter to deal justly with all men.
Constantly hold in your mind a high estimate of yourself, but be sure you have reasons for doing so. It is of little use to say you are well if you are ill. Do not deceive yourself. You are no greater than the sum of your thoughts and habits. Have you good and sufficient reasons for your self-approbation. Are you a man of noble impulses? Is your ambition lofty? Have you high ideals and do you work persistently to realize them? Are you doing the best you can? Have you an uncompromising love for truth?
A business man recently wrote to a teacher, saying: "I lose control and become embarrassed when I speak even to my own employees, and can not keep a straight face at any time when meeting strangers. I feel embarrassed, turn red in the face, and otherwise feel uncomfortable when talking to a single individual. If I were called upon to address an audience, I believe I should drop dead." This is an illustration of the extremes to which self-consciousness may carry its victim. The mind is a prolific field for the growth of all kinds of thought. If false and negative ideas are allowed to take root, they, like weeds of an ordinary field, spread with wonderful rapidity, and may easily discourage and overwhelm the owner. The man to whom we have referred has long neglected his mental field and now finds himself in a bad way. The remedy for him, and for others so situated, is patiently to root out every obnoxious habit and to substitute strong, healthy, positive thoughts in its place. He must at first be content with small victories, since he has permitted his mental field and garden to be overrun with these objectionable thought habits, but he can comfort himself with the assurance that in this way he can and will attain success.
Timid people concern themselves too much about what others will think and say. They are constantly studying the impression they are making upon people who probably are not even thinking of them. Their super sensitiveness causes them to imagine themselves being criticized, slighted, and unfairly condemned by those who all the while are absorbed in their own affairs.
A man may be on the road to success when a single act of timidity may annul all his chances. People lose confidence in him if he lacks faith in himself. Courage is admired, fear never is. Courage is dignified, fear is repulsive. The man of courage is welcomed everywhere, while fear invites itself to a seat in the rear. The following incident actually occurred in a second-hand bookshop. The salesman had been talking for some time to a customer, when another man who had selected a book for himself mustered up enough courage to say: "Don't let me interrupt you, sir, if you are busy with that gentleman—I wanted to get—this book--but I can just as well call in on my way back--I would have to trouble you anyway--to change--a five-dollar bill--and perhaps--you haven't--the change-so I'll come back--in a little while--don't trouble, sir--and then I'll have the right change with me."
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