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“How
to Develop Self-Confidence
In Speech and Manner” eBook Online Version
This sounds exaggerated, but it can be vouched for. What chance, think you, has such a man as that for advancement or distinction in the world? He is foredoomed to failure unless he changes his entire mental attitude.
Every man should learn to stand firmly upon his own feet. As himself he may become great; as an imitator he will amount to little. "Intellectual intrepidity," says Samuel Smiles "is one of the vital conditions of independence and self-reliance in character. A man must have the courage to be himself, and not the shadow or the echo of another. He must exercise his own powers, think his own thoughts, and speak his own sentiments. He must elaborate his own opinions, and form his own convictions. It has been said that he who dare not form an opinion must be a coward; he who will not, must be an idler; he who can not, must be a fool."
The timid man should take inspiration from the experience of many of the world's greatest orators and actors. For the most part they at first were self-conscious men. Demosthenes, Cicero, Curran, Chalmers, Erskine, Pitt, Gladstone, Disraeli, Mirabeau, Patrick Henry, Clay, Gough, Beecher, Salvini, Henry Irving, Richard Mansfield, and many others were subject to "stage-fright." But this sensitiveness of nature, when at last controlled and intelligently directed, enabled them to reach a foremost place among distinguished men. It is said of Rufus Choate, the great lawyer, that before an important address to a jury he looked as nervous and wretched as a criminal about to be hanged. Probably every public speaker who has amounted to anything could testify to this initial feeling of nervousness or anxiety, but the cure lies in becoming so absorbed in one's subject, or the welfare of others, as to forget one's self.
Self-consciousness may arise from self conceit. The victim says to himself: "What impression am I making?" "Do I look well?" "What are they thinking and saying about me?" On the other hand, it may be due to extreme humility. Such a man says inwardly: "I am not equal to this," "I lack so many things," "If I had only been born right," "My father was bashful before me," "I shall surely fail." Natural diffidence need not necessarily be a stumbling-block to any man. It is a safeguard against rashness, familiarity, and over-confidence.
The evil of extreme self-consciousness is that it makes a man do so many things he does not wish to do. It changes his line of conduct a hundred times a day, makes him say "yes" when he would rather say "no," and, in short, robs him of his power and individuality.
When Thackeray said that sensitiveness was a great mistake in a public man, he doubtless meant that super sensitiveness by which a man loses initiative, self-reliance, and independence. A self-conscious man must sooner or later rid himself of this fault if he is to be preeminently successful. To this end the student's attention is next directed to the power of right thinking.
Chapter IV
THE POWER OF RIGHT THINKING
We should not apologize to ourselves. A sense of the dignity of life, and the sovereignty of the soul, should keep us strong and positive. We should be too big for the little habit of excuse-making. Self-depreciation never won a single battle of life. It has, on the contrary, killed ambition, weakened the will, and incapacitated thousands of men for noble work. Apology is weakness on parade. Avoid it. Observe some man who comes toward you, walking with short, jerky steps, his dress careless, the corners of his mouth turned down, keeping well to one side of the walk. As he passes, he gives you a hasty, frightened glance, which tells you unmistakably of despair, discouragement, and failure. The man's whole life probably has been negative in its character and outlook. The daily, and perhaps hourly, streams of false suggestions poured into his mind have at last overwhelmed him and his life closes in an eclipse.
Many a man tormented by fear and timidity does not realize what a flood of negative thoughts daily affects him. He hedges himself in with suggestions of limitation, incapacity, and unworthiness. He constantly thinks not of how he will succeed, but of how he will surely fail. When Washington Irving was asked to preside at a public dinner to Charles Dickens, upon his visit to America, he hesitated and said he would surely fail. It was pointed out to him that he was really the man properly to direct that high function, and at last was prevailed upon to accept. But to many friends he repeated his fear that he would fail. The night came, and before a brilliant gathering Irving arose to speak. He made an excellent beginning, but suddenly stopped and brought his remarks to a close. As he sat down, he whispered to a friend on his left, "There, I told you I would fail, and I did!"
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